Known: Advent Day 4

Psalm 38:9

O Lord, all my longing is known to you; my sighing is not hidden from you.

What remains when the words run out?

On a familiar trail, accompanied by setting sun, I kneel for a closer look at sparkling frost on fallen leaves, shimmering threads of ice catching the light and bejeweling veined, parched remnants of once green trees.

If I lie down beside those leaves and confess my need will the light find me too?

The climb is gentle, so I continue–rising and then falling on the well-worn path. As the trail descends it opens into a clearing blanketed in the frost that was only briefly present on the trail above. The glistening ice transforms what I know to be summer’s leftover green grass into an aquamarine ocean. I’m a shipwreck survivor washed ashore, standing at the convergence of heaven and earth.

And there are no words here.

There is only a vast landscape opening up inside of me–some strange portal of gratitude and grace–framed by tears and sighs and the undeniable awareness of God’s presence there.

The undeniable awareness of God’s presence here.

Here.

With me.

I wrote a song in this clearing once. I trudged through deep snow, heavy with winter’s weight. God spoke in song: You are loved. You are healed. You are whole.

Now the song returns to me, sings in my ear: You are known.

I walk to the small wooden bridge that crosses the creek and listen to the dance of the water as it goes on its way. It knows where it’s going. It’s known by its creator.

Does it ever sigh like me?

Does it long to lie down beside the leaves?

I’m startled by a bicyclist and then by voices at a distance. The portal closes, but not completely. As I walk toward home, a tree stands tall in front of me. Her branches form a broken heart, held together by sky aglow with that setting sun.

You are loved. You are healed. You are known.

Come, Jesus, come. Be the son that holds broken hearts together. Be the light that searches out our need. Hear our sighs and know our longing to be healed, to be whole, to be loved. Amen.

*Today’s accompanying song, appropriately, has no words. It is Longing by Open Blue Sky.